Brian's World

Want

So Katie’s really busy right now, I don’t have anything extra important to do so here I am back at the blog. I wrote some Digital Signage yesterday, its coming out pretty decent I think. Actually I have no clue, I can’t actually see what any of my code does to be honest. The frontend of the backend is being written by Mike DiTore, so my backend of the backend just does stuff, it doesn’t show you what its doing.. it just does.

I decided that time is no longer my friend, specifically the sequencing of events. A great example is summer employment. I applied to Tighe and Bond where my dad works to do some computer stuff. In the interview they told me March was usually when they get around to making decisions, etc. Well its the last week in January and they already made a decision. Typically I would be excited that I had something lined up.. but of course I now have to accept/decline their offer in a timely fashion.. again, not a huge problem.. except for the fact I planned on applying for Google’s Summer of Code project again. I know, there isn’t a huge chance I’ll get accepted, but there is a chance.. and I think spending the summer programming would be cool. GSOC, as I’ll refer to it, won’t be open until March.. which does not work well if I have to get back to T & B this week. Yuck.

In other news.. I’m defragmenting my external hard drives.. I just cleaned up a lot of junk and I imagine storing lots of video results in lots of unwanted fragments. Ideally I’d like to turn that into NAS unit at some point, but that will require a computer to serve as the controller for it. Likely a project I’ll put off until summer, where I’ll keep putting it off because my parents will coerce me into not spending my money once again.

As if Christmas couldn’t get any worse… I have recently received word that the only X-Mas gift I might have had hope of turning into something moderately decent has just washed away. I was hoping the whole “you can take responsibility and do something with it” mentality would work out but of course that was optimistic and dumb. I am no longer have a good day.. which I was actually trying to have today.

And as if I was having a good day yesterday, I continued to my mental debate of want, and how it might feel to be wanted. While I planned on dedicated an entire blog to it, I’ll just slip my thoughts in here. I find it very depressing to look back at my life and recall times I’ve been wanted or desired for anything. The most common example that comes to mind is relationships. I was most certainly not the coolest kid in school, nor was I trying to be. I recall several Valentines days where just about everyone would get flowers from a crush or a friend, even my friends that enjoyed reading as much as I enjoy computers got flowers. I got none. I recall a discussion with a teacher, Ms. Devine, who was trying to make those of use (there were 2) who didn’t get flowers feel less bad, by saying something like “In college you’ll make up for it.” That wasn’t her exact phrasing, but it was phrased in such a manner to make me believe that in college girls would care less about being cool and more about other things that I might be good at, like computers. While I’m only partway through college, my initial reports have yielded 0 results that could even be heavily modified to be correct. And no, I don’t mean to pull this entire blog into a romanic relationship thing, because I’m in a relationship with someone at the moment and I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. Expanding out to a larger social setting, I’ve found I’m wanted for very little.. and I can expand this beyond the social setting as well.

There are very few tasks that only I can perform, and I’ve found I’m typically assigned tasks because of 2 conditions. 1) I’m there and 2) I’m capable. I’m never assigned tasks because I offer some insight someone else wouldn’t…. frequently I find that other people feel it necessary to fill in the insight for me, removing any chance of enjoyment. People complain why I don’t let go of certain ties to High School and the Tiger Times and the reason is pretty simple to me, those two entities are places where I’m asked to do tasks because no one else can, or no one else knows how. A great example is digitial signage, where I’m tasked with with writing Database interaction classes… its pretty boring stuff. I write SQL and manipulate variables that we (any by we I mean just about everyone on the coding team but me) established. No, I wouldn’t be the person who’s ideal for developing the user interface, and I don’t have the javascript skill required to create a well featured frontend.. but I feel stripped of my insight again, where others feel it necessary to do that for me.

This topic came about when I was thinking about desire, and how some people are desired by others, most likely to establish some form of a relationship. I wish they realized how lucky they are to be wanted, to know that if W doesn’t work out then X, Y, and probably Z are lined up and waiting. I have no such backup, hence I don’t let go to much. I try not to be a completely undesirable person. I maintain decent personal hygiene habits, I wash my clothes weekly, I don’t wear black eyeliner, and I try not to act completely scary. Yes, I am shy, and I’m generally not the kind of person that will speak to you unless I have some inherent reason to. I don’t these these downfalls break my social bank do they? I guess so… or.. more likely.. is that I’m missing something that is oh so terrible about me.

I recognize that females tend to be wanted more often than guys; regardless of their current status in any number of categories… and that’s not the type of wanting I have ever been seeking. I think an awesome piece of data to throw in here would be the average total carnation per female ratio, but I lack said data. I give poor advice when told about people having a crush on certain people because I don’t have any real knowledge in that field. I like one person, and I can’t say I’ve been ‘liked’ by any statistically large number of people ever.. where statistically large might be > 3. Maybe everyone had a secret crush on me and they did such a great job keeping it a secret I didn’t realize it ever… hrm… this doesn’t seem very probably now does it.

In conclusion, I would like you.. the reader… to think about who you are.. how many people have liked, wanted, or desired you at some point in your life. Then I want you to write them all a thank you card.. jk thats wierd. Then you should think about how you would be different if those people didn’t exist. Where would you be today, tomorrow.. and, more importantly, this weekend.

Part 2 of the 3 part series is coming soon.

Brian out.

Dress Code

To follow up my previous blog, I feel I should provide some more specific commentary on certain subjects that caused me much frustration on the night of the Cotillion. Sure, I didn’t enjoy the food, but that topic is very specific to that time and place, and I should try to blog on a larger topic, something that a few more people might be able to connect with… as if anyone connects with my ideas to start.

Shoes. No, I’ve always wanted to start off a paragraph with the word shoes, and I felt that was close enough.. really I should have started off with clothes, but it doesn’t have the ring shoes does. I conducted several observations at the Cotillion, all based on the dress of students. I’m having trouble phrasing my English at the moment, so I feel it necessary to just get it out.

I found myself very troubled with the dress of a majority of the people at said school dance, it wasn’t that they failed to choose proper colors to coordinate their outfits; but they failed to choose enough of any colors to create any sort of complete outfit.. there was just not enough fabric to go around. I understand people might find pleasure in revealing outfits but personally I have trouble establishing a basis why a female might want to wear such an outfit.. or really a lack of an outfit.And the guys weren’t much better, when it comes time to “dance” on the “dance” floor, they feel it necessary to remove as much of their outfit as possible.. sure the jacket I can understand, but the vest, tie, and sometimes even shirt.. just seems like too little for me. Guys outfits bother me less than females, primarily because each guy was at least wearing a shirt and a pair of pants..women don’t have such standards. I would like to make the basic assumption that they were wearing the appropriate undergarments, but I have no data to back up any analysis in this area. I have a problem with dresses/outfits that lack in two primary areas, length and chest fabric density.

First on the topic of length. I would find any outfit that is 8 times the height of the person to be absurd, as such I find any outfit that is less that 1/2 the height of a person to be equally absurd. Honestly, I just generated that percentage, but I can explain the criteria I used to create said number. At the bottom I feel the Least Dress Length (or LDL) should be somewhere close to the knee, maybe no more than 3-5 inches above the top of the knee. Any more and, unless you have big [non hairy] thighs, I feel you’re exposing too much. While yes, unless your thighs are 6 inches high you technically aren’t exposing anything, but its the thought that counts. Unless you have a thigh condition that required them to get ventilated more than a typical outfit would allow, I see no need to have so much exposed skin. Quite honestly, if you’re having that ventilation problem I suggest you avoid the dance floor all together! Length is not soley limited to the bottom of outfits, there are clear issues on the top as well. I feel for a school formal that exposure on the top should be kept to a minimum. I cannot establish a clear cut guideline, but we can follow the general Brian rule “The more I’m seeing of you, the less I’d like to be seeing.”

Chest Fabric Density… this term maybe be confusing to you, but don’t fear. Brian is here. Chest Fabric Density is a unit of measure for describing the amount of fabric covering one’s chest. Currently I am wearing a collared shirt, button and tucked in. As none of my chest is exposed, its safe to say my Chest Fabric Density is 1. If there was a large in my shirt, say, exposing my entire stomach, it might be safe to say my Chest Fabric Density is close to .5, saying that 50% of my chest is covered with fabric. Guys tend not to have this problem, as they tend to wear clothes or not. Girls on the other hand have plenty of options, one I found very troubling at the event was this dress that lacks a center line. If this girl was getting her chest split open down the middle then this dress would have facilitated such actions. My equation lacks placing value on or weight on certain body parts, but that clearly needs to be added. Exposing a belly button is clearly less problematic to me than exposing a female’s top. If a dress has less than 90% cfd, specifically centered around the top of a female, I think there are issues.

I wish people would realized that I don’t want to see them expose their body parts to me, in an attempt to.. i have no clue to be honest. I am 95% sure they are not trying to catch my attention, and the people whos attention they are trying to catch could likely be caught in a private setting. Please don’t expose yourself to me, I don’t appreciate it, I don’t want to see it. Please take your clothes into a compromised state somewhere else, not at a public setting.

Thank you.

Me

Debutante

I know, I know, its been a short while since my last update. The past few days I’ve found myself moderately busy and unable to post updates. Things have come up that required my attention when I previously planned to update, so this is a little later than my liking. Its like 10:50 at night, and I’m blogging here while sitting in bed. Ideally I wish I would have been in bed 50 minutes ago, however RPI TV didn’t get out until 10:10pm, and then I had to walk back here, get in my PJs, etc etc. I’m going to make this brief, focused, and equally obfuscated as always.

This past weekend was Martin Luther King Jr Weekend, and I went home to attend the SHHS Cotillion. It was likely the last Cotillion I’ll attend in my life, bringing the running total to 3. (1 senior year, 1 last year, 1 this year). I can’t do a very detailed comparison between the three of them, because my memory is very poor. However I do remember being served close to last at all 3 events. The table has been all around the room where they hold the cotillion, but no matter where we always get the waiter or waitress who is slightly slow, and opts to serve our table last out of all of their responsible tables. This might be OK if we still had an equal time to eat, but since everyone else is finishing, they turn down the lights and the DJ’s start doing their thing. Grr, I’ve barely eaten 1 bite of mashed potatoes and everyone is already starting to get up there in dance. Recognize to me this isn’t a big deal, I would be lying to say I live to dance, but I would also be lying to say I live to eat as well. Everyone else was in a rush to get out there and start dancing, though logically its necessary to eat something to consume energy so you have the power to dance. I was able to convince people to stay at the table to give me enought time to eat my mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables. I had eaten a bread stick and some salad, so I felt that might provide enough energy to last the night.

I did learn a few dance moves at dinner, however I found them impractical to use on the dance floor. Said movies were: Shaking the dice, cleaning the ear, lawnmower, and sprinkler. The first two involve doing a motion followed by “throw it away”, where your right hand crosses diagonally down to the left of your body “throwing” whatever you were doing away. I hypothesis a large number of moves could be invented following this protocol such as blowing your nose, combing your hair, eating the food, and pulling on a hat. I think that hat one has some potential… you’ll see it all over YouTube next year.

Density is probably the most upsetting thing to me about dancing. I have minimal issues dancing with Katie.. but I don’t like dancing with the 3 or 4 other people squished against me on the dance floor. I especially when there is someone directly behind you and they are dancing up and down and you were dancing up and down and you weren’t synchronized so your rear ends are constantly in collision. My response: stop moving up and down. I also dislike it when people dancing next to you are at the exact height to hit their head on your shoulder during and up and down move, its difficult for me to drop my shoulder down to avoid that, but I guess I should try twisting it out of the way. If you haven’t picked up on this, my primary dance move is to go up and down, bending my knees or moving my shoulders when my knees start to give out. I find in such a crowded environment no one really cares to what extent your dancing, as long as you appear to be moving they are pleased.

After Cotillion we went to McDonald’s to get food, since there was no immediate need to break out into dance at McDonald’s, I was able to enjoy my Ranch Snack Wrap. After McDonald’s was bowling, which I was very tired for. But I bowled anyways. I didn’t win, nor did I loose. Then I brought everyone home and called it a night.

So that’s the summary of cotillion. Its getting late so I’m going to compress the rest of this blog. I don’t think desire is the right word, but jealous is to far, and I don’t believe its that that I want, its likely more a desire for the knowledge or ability than the implementation. Part 2 of the 3 part series is coming soon, so is housing for next year, both of which require complex algorithms balancing the positives and negatives… aka weighted list. Digital Signage is coming slow, as expected, but its coming. If people keep complaining about me working slow I might start creating a special pipe to send their complaints to, and then I’ll build a magically machine to put on the end of that pipe to turn their complains into positive feedback and good ideas. Actually I should practice this myself.

I am not looking forward to stupid chemistry tomorrow.

Oh yes, remind me to comment about peoples outfits later. Much ranting will ensue.

Goodnight moon.