Brian's World

Forgotten

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I had a name.  How would life, this year, this week, today have been different if I had a name?  I have trouble forming a complete picture as to how things would be, because I can only base my knowledge of others who have names.  Your name is bound a lot to who you are, and to what extent you do things.  The specifics of what you do are far less important, than the magnitude of which you do things.  There is clearly this minimum threshold to which one must “do stuff” to earn a name, and it varies drastically for each person.

In my spare time while driving, I like to try and do useful things.  [I find the driving implementation of piloting a vehicle very inefficient,  and have plenty of spare brain power units to dedicate to alternative activities.]  During some recent driving efforts, I spent time thinking about how things would be different for a person such as myself, given an alternate series of events.  In order to justify as somethings besides wasting time, I followed the though experiments such that if I felt the outcome of the events were favorable in some sense, I would explore how I could adjust my current position to achive a similiar result… a process generally ending in the nhmo case.. aka no-hope-move-on.

Back to the topic, so I was driving and thinking about alternative realities that could have presented themselves to me, and found but a handful of summarizations to which I can attribute my lack of rememberance in the minds of men.  Typically, I would have assumed that each lack of output would have been the direct result of a *unique* lack of input.  Not true at all.  The same input problem continues to effect seemingly unrelated output.

As I draw this hunting season to a close, I have trouble thinking of whats been done, and done well.  I look at the core objectives and see minimal, or negative progress in some areas; a very discomforting feeling.  And I’m not usually one to enjoy comfortable things, give me an itchy wool blanket any day (assuming it is smallpox free).

I would say “I’m not sure who to blame here” but logically the only thing that can be blamed is the common factor, aka moi.

Its not that I’m not interested.  That is completely false.  I don’t think the bar is low enough for me to bother jumping.  I’ll try most things if there is the slightest glimmer of hope, which I just don’t always see where I should.

Summer: A Disgruntling Season

I dislike summer.  I have no problem with the other 3 seasons, just summer.  My dislike for the season has been around for a few years now, I would date it back at least 4-5 years.  If you search around you’ll find other posts about me disliking summer, maybe a bit less directly.

Its not the weather I don’t enjoy.  I don’t mind the fact that it tends to be warm or hot during the summer.  Sometimes I actually enjoy the heat, it can be a pleasant change from a cold spring day.  Wearing a heavy coat can be burdensome at times, and the opportunity to go without one is welcomed when appropriate.  I also don’t dislike the inherit items associated with summer like vacation or the lack of school.

I dislike how people react to summer.  Everyone gets all “hooray! the weather is nice again” and then everyone turns into an optimist.  I don’t like it when people are optimistic because of the weather, you should work for your optimism.  Part of this yearly renewed excitement is an increased sense of freedom people feel.  People reduce the length of their pants or dresses/skirts “because its warm out.”  Yea right, we both know that people aren’t doing that because its physically warm out.  Rather people are doing it to feel less constrained and more free; which I am opposed to.

If you recall my thesis on “Chest Fabric Density” from Jan 2008, I’m going to be applying many of the same arguments here.  You see, during my years attending formal dances in a high school setting, I found that people girls were wearing dresses exposing more and more skin and buying less dress.  No, I’m not opposed to people exposing skin if appropriate, but when people who should not be exposing skin do it really bothers me.   Some people might say “more power to ya” to a person with lots of mass wearing very ‘limited’ garment, while I think “Really? Did you have to?”

You see in summer, everyone thinks that they should wear whatever they want because “its warm”.  Sometimes people wear bathing suite, even when they are not intending on going swimming or getting wet!  Tomfoolery!  More likely, are people who’s pelvis & leg coverings are inappropriate.  Males:  If you shorts are exposing an awkwardly white portion of your thigh or more than 3 inches from your kneecap in either direction you need new ones.  Yes, this includes those strange guys who wear ‘Capri’ style pants.  Females:  If you are wearing shorts, and cannot comfortably place a pencil in your pocket without it sticking out, your shorts are probably too short… or you need new pockets.  If your pockets are hanging out of the bottom of them, you and your shorts are immediately disqualified.  Logically, a skirt has a larger minimum length than shorts because it doesn’t provide appropriate inner leg coverage.  While I’m not going to work out all the trigonometry here, I suggest you ensure that the inside angle from the bottom of your skirt to the vertext of your legs is no larger than 45 degrees, a 30 degree angle may be more appropriate, but it really depends on thigh thickness.  Additionally, if you feel your rear is not being completely covered  when sitting, you are dressed inappropriately.

Actually my biggest pet peeve about summer dress are “flip flops”.  I’ve written many blogs discussing my dislike for these abysmal excuses for footwear, but everyone feels the need to wear them when approximately no one should.

While I spent a lot of time talking about clothes, the issues I have with summer are larger.  People spend time outside relaxing, “sun bathing” aka skin-cancerizing, socializing, playing sports, etc.  Yes, statistically speaking they have been doing this all year…  but in private.  I’m not sure if I dislike, or I get jealous, when people publicly do enjoy these things.  Its much harder for me to be cognizant of you you at a party when its winter and you are inside, but when you are own your lawn I can very quickly determine what I need to.

I don’t dislike the changes in the weather, I dislike the changes in people as a result of the weather.

Clustering

I look around at what I see and wonder if this is me or if its everyone.  Where did I misstep, where did I go wrong, how could I lead so far astray.  I can’t help but see how it can’t be them so logically it must be me.  Oh, what does this mean?

Am I not where I wanted, hoped, should, or am suppose to be.  Now what do I do?  Thinking back only pains the part of me that feels I had a chance, still have a chance.

The noise, it indicate a sound, a though, and notion traveling not through space, but social space.  The weight it carries shan’t be metered in frequencies, amplitudes, or modulation but in tone, theme, and weight.  We look not at what is thought but what it done, and not whats already been done but whats going to be done, and hasn’t even been started yet.

I’m good at some of what I do, not what I need to do, but how I need to do.  I think.

I am no poet.