Where I don't care what others think


December 19th, 2011 Posted in Life

It’s worth noting that my last blog was redacted after being posted for just a few hours.  I made the mistake of conflating two completely separate ideas into the same post and the result was doubly unpleasant. Conflating is a word I picked up at work, I use it when I want to inform people that they are stupid for confusing ideas but not sound so harsh about it.  “I think you’re poor;y conflating the actual use cases of X and Y” sounds much better than “No. You’re wrong.  X and Y have nothing to do with each other”.

I’ve also just deleted the majority of an earlier draft of this post, which would be summarized by one character: Scrooge.  I’m don’t want to be opposed to the holidays and the spirit of the season, but maybe I’m caught up in this over-commercialization of the whole thing.  I don’t need a particularly reason to get someone a present, and this season is putting unnecessary pressure on me to figure something out.  As an example, lets say I know I will be getting a gift from person A.  Coupling that knowledge with my desire to not look like an idiot, I need to have a gift on hand ready to reciprocate when the time comes.  If the gift that I’d really like to get person A isn’t available for whatever reason for a few months I’m in a bind, I don’t want to appear to be shirking my responsibility when in fact I have a completely genuine idea at the ready, it just cannot be acquired at the current time.  It would be much easier if I could be like hey, here is a happy 3rd of February gift and surprise someone.  Everyone sets expectations for the season, as with any expectations the higher you set them the easier they are to miss.

Today I was in the store buying some holiday greeting cards.  It was a fairly depressing experience.  I have a handful, literally… a number you can count on one hand… of people I have a strong reason to send holiday greetings cards.  Unfortunately, the store doesn’t sell any good cards in handful sizes.  All the cards that come in 5 packs or smaller are stupid pictures of cartoon snowmen made of fat ovals (opposed to pretty snowmen made of circles) or some modern art angel atrocity with what appears to be a multi-colored dance floor background.  These are not the type of casual greetings I would like to send people.  All the good cards are grouped in the 12+ range where you get a pack of 12 or something cards for a few dollars which means I’m left with like (12 – handful) of holiday cards with no purpose.  I have considered addressing them to coworkers, but 50% of them are Jewish I believe and nothing says Merry Christmas like a card to someone who doesn’t celebrate the holidays.  I’ve considered sending them to people who’s addresses I have but then they’d likely ask a) why does Brian have my address and b) what does he want that he’s sending a Christmas card to me for.  I think I might just mail them to myself over the course of the next few days, or maybe to strangers.  Don’t get me started on the abundance of holiday wrapping paper I have, and by abundance I mean 1 40 foot roll that I needed to use like 4 feet from.

Perhaps I’ll send a card to my dishwasher, I always enjoy falling asleep to the sound of it doing it’s thing.  I’m actually not sure if I enjoy the specific sound of the dishwasher, or if I enjoy the sound of something as a deviation from the constant silence around this place.  I’m sure it’s not something specific to the West Coast, but I feel that out here there is a lot more silence.  I talk much less than I did back when I was at RPI and hanging out with people, and some days I spend a small amount of time talking out loud to myself just to make sure my voice still works (those are usually the days that work consists only of saying “Good Morning” in the morning and then “Have a nice night” as I leave).  I’ve considered falling asleep with the television on, but it’s in another room and has no purpose for being on.  The dishwasher has a reason for being on so I don’t feel it’s a waste to use it like I would the television at night (not that there is a limit to the amount of television, but there is this thing called the electric bill).

Weekends are usually the most extreme, when my interactions with other people in person are solely limited to ordering at fast food restaurants.  I made friends with the folks at KFC one night, unfortunately the next week they changed shifts and I never saw them again.  KFC also took lettuce off their menu so I stopped patronizing them.  Now I look forward to Wendy’s.

Good night moon.


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