Where I don't care what others think


October 22nd, 2008 Posted in Uncategorized

Everyone always has a lot to do.  That is a fact.  Well, I’d argue that people have less to do than they think… but if you think you have lots to do you don’t have to worry about saying yes to additional work.  Off topic as usual.  I, like everyone else, have many task to complete in any given day.  I go to sleep planning out about 4 times what I’ll actually get done the next day, but I’ve always said that its the thought that counts.

I think in detail about some of the tasks I have to complete and I struggle to identify reason/reward pair for lots of them.  Clearly homework has a reason, it has been assigned for me to complete, with a pretty clear reward, get a decent grade -> pass the course -> graduate.  Most other things are less clear.  Take my programming work for an example.  The reason tends to be because someone else wants feature x or function y.  I have trouble thinking of any code I’ve written for Brian’s personal stuff in the past few weeks… it simply gets pushed aside.  The reward is really hard to identify, and I’m one thats usually pretty patient in my identification processes.  I don’t require a cookie the second I complete my task like an animal would, but something down the line at some time would be appreciated I think.

A group distribution can factor into this a lot.  In a group some people can be tasked to generate reasons, others to implement them, and others to absorb the rewards.  When I’m in a position to recieve thanks, or any potential credit, I do my best to pass it on to those who deserve it… in past I’ve actually passed it on to people who don’t deserve it just to help them out.  In the past its been as simple as putting those who are least likely to get recognized for their work at the top of a productions credits.  During my tenure, I would always save myself and other “senior” members for the end of the credits.  Not because we didn’t do work or anything, but because I felt that the camera operators and tech crew were the real ones who deserve the credit.

And now I find myself as the tech crew, someone who’s work generally goes unrealized.  My name is barely is hardly associated with things I work on.  Kevin Bacon is probably more connected than I am for all I know.  Its challenging to continue to find motivation sometimes.  In the past I’ve always looked forward, saying to myself “well self, if you keep working on X for another few months, someone might appreciate what it is you do.”  I can safely say that my timeframe must be off, years have passed and I can’t say I’ve ever been shown any appreciation.  If it was my job to give the appreciation I would do my best to do that, but its not.  I have 0 recognition to distribute.

I am off to bed, where I will convince myself that I appreciate me.

Good night moon.

  1. One Response to “Synthesis”

  2. By Katie on Oct 23, 2008

    I appreciate you and all that you have done.
    You work harder than anyone I know.
    Thank you for everything you have done for me over the years and everything you continue to do.

    I hope you the best with your work and various efforts.

    with love, moi

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