Brian's World

Social Networking

I’m not sure where this blog is going to go. There is a small chance I will talk about the intended subject, some of my thoughts on social networking, but there is an even larger chance I will spend a much larger time providing background and introduction for my discussion of the latter. The prelude may prove to be more interesting than the “body”, but who cares.

Tonight for some reason I’m feeling oddly like I did 2 years and maybe 2-3 months ago. Its a very specific time frame I know, the beginning of my Senior year in high school. Why do I feel that way? Well there are certain issues that require addressing and I am having trouble formulating a solid thought process to work with. My primary objective is to keep the issues bottled up inside, because I am too embarrassed to ask anyone for such stupid thoughts as I would. But my secondary goal is to come to a resolution as peacefully as possible. I can’t say for sure if one resolution is more amicable than the other, but a resolution is definately better than no resolution at all. Unfortunately the nature of the issue at hand exclusively eliminated the primary contact I would ask any and all questions to which is unfortunate, I know, but necessary.

In high school when I was addressing a topic in a similar manor, things were different. I was in charge of the Tiger Times, and I would most certainly not ask any member of the group for advice. I don’t believe in showing weakness like that. But the issue at that point was one that was “clear” to other people, they could identify it [though personally I call thief bluff because I couldn’t self-identify it] and offer advice on the spot, without being prompted. I generally disliked this advice because I dislike people noticing things or making assumptions on me that I haven’t made on myself yet. The issue was also much different, the issue I dealt with a few years ago was one that was very socially acceptable to talk about, while current issues make me feel like an even larger idiot.

That is half of how I feel. The other half is this partial feeling of loneliness. Katie B is asleep right now in her cozy bed and I’m sitting here in my dorm (I wish I could say alone). Its just me on the internet right now, I’m talking to no one. Usually I’m ok with being alone, but I’m not so kosher with the idea when there are things that need to be accomplished requiring other people. For example if X was around I could try and cross Y of my to do list, of course none of that can happen.

So when I was lonely tonight I wanted to play music on my laptop. I don’t have any easy way to access the songs I have on my desktop so I had to do something different. I can’t say for sure why I decided on it, but I ended up at MySpace.com. After logging in (using my non-case-sensitive password) I tried to understand the new navigation and head around to people’s profiles to listen to some tunes. What surprised me was that in the few months its been since I’ve been “actively” checking my myspace, things haven’t changed that much people-wise. The people who were posting bulletins 2 years ago are still posting them today, the people who are still popular comment wise are still popular today. I wasn’t expecting this, as I had stopped checking my myspace regularly, I had assumed there were a bulk of other people who had done the same. I guess I was wrong, while plently of people do use facebook instead, myspace is still a very important tool. I think the only thing I like about myspace that facebook doesn’t offer is the bulletins. Given, I don’t know what they’re intended purpose is or what they were designed to do, I find them a great wealth of information. The survey’s people fill out are very interesting to read and learn from, and I am constantly surprised what I find. Myspace does have many more hackers/hijacked accounts than facebook does, but you win some you loose some, right.

I have more to say but no time for now. RPI TV elections tomorrow, I am clueless.

Aspirations

I aspire to do a few simple things in life. I do not aspire to be President of the United States; I do not aspire to be a millionaire; I do not aspire to be a social icon; I don’t even aspire to have friends. While there are a lot of things I do not aspire to be, the list of things I do aspire to do is much shorter. I aspire to help others, make a difference, learn something, and then return what I’ve learned in an effort others can build up on my foundation. Sure, those are very broad goals, but I think they make a good life outline. I can say life has been good if I’ve met most of those goals, and I haven’t been trying hard enough in life if I haven’t met those goals. My wording in that last sentence is specific for a reason, I didn’t choose to say “Life has been bad if I didn’t meet those goals” because I don’t believe in giving up until those goals are met; this is likely the source of my optimism, patience, perseverance, etc.

Am I satisfied with my current progress toward my aspirations? I don’t know. I put forth a valid effort in Boy Scouts to help other people, and I still try to right now. I understand that sometimes helping people might put them in a better situation than I am but I’m okay with that. I don’t aspire to be on top, I think that is a silly idea. I am not completely enraged if people use what I help them with to their sole advantage. Yes, it would be nice if people “spread it alone” but people just don’t work like that, the best I can do is help as many people as possible, and hope one day I can light someones fire.

How much of a difference have I made? Probably a negligible one so far. I am constantly reminded of my failures with the Tiger Times, and how my attempt at starting High School News is no longer something I should be proud of; how my 4 years of staying after school for 1.5 hours means nothing to anyone. I understand that maybe I didn’t create the worlds most awsomest show, but I like to think there is at least a spark of good left. I’ve also been trying to make a small difference here at RPI. All thoughts about RPI the school aside, I like to think of it as a community of people. My influence here is small and pretty unsubstantial, and what effects I do generate have only come back to haunt me. There is no project that I’ve worked on that everyone seems to like, or at least not have disagreements with, and I’ve almost noticed this desire for me to not be in charge of projects for some unknown reason. No, here at RPI I am certainly not changing the world, I am having a hard enough time changing how we title footage recorded on the hard drive DVD recorder.

Learning is very important to me, I don’t you can accomplish very much in life without a strong background in whatever it is your doing. For some people this background may consist of false facts and rumors, but I can still call that a background. In today’s society its even harder to make a difference without knowledge, a lot of the “stupid” ways of making a difference have already been thought up and are happening. A lot of my learning coincides with trying to make a difference, working on making a difference sometimes requires us to learn new things, procedures, etc. I have a fundamental frustration with people who attempt to block learning. Let me us an analogy to explain this. I think we can agree that it would be beyond frustrating if someone told you that you could not eat anymore ever. No food for you ever again. I think knowledge and learning new things is like food for my brain. Yes, my brain can starve for a few days just like you can last without food, but there is only so long before its eat or die, learn or shut down.

Paying it back. You can learn 8 million different facts in your life, win Jeopardy, get some cash, buy stuff, die. Who cares really? The problem is that you learned those 8 million facts, you didn’t spread them to anyone else. Wasn’t it kind of selfish for you to keep all those facts to yourself? Sure, if everyone knew them then you might not have won the show, but then everyone would have been a whole lot smarter. Are people following where I’m going here? I can write some code, do some math, work on a project, whatever, but if I don’t share that outside my brain it seems kinda selfish. No, I’m not hording all the PHP to myself or letting you download my source files all the time, but its nice for me to pass along any tricks I’ve picked up or hints I have to make it easier for the next person. I think thats one of the main reasons I blog, besides just to talk. I like to think someday someone will read this and learn from my mistakes. Feel free to call me and idiot, you’d be right, but if you can figure out how to not be an idiot from me then maybe I’m not such an idiot after all.

A lot of people base their lives off having fun and being financially successful. I don’t believe in either of those two. If I wanted to have fun, and that was a primary goal of mine, I would most certainly be doing that. Having fun is pretty easy in today’s society; modern youth promote bad behavior, society is filled with images of enjoyment such as vacations/get aways, drugs to enhance how one is feeling, sexual pleasures, alcohol stuffs, expensive items to boost ones popularity, etc. Its easy to have fun, and its much harder to not. No, I don’t avoid fun at all costs. But I do think that there are limits, and for me those limits are drawn pretty low. I can’t say I feel all giddy inside when a function works, or when a production I direct is on TV, but I do enjoy watching shows on TV, I do enjoy reading things that might be off topic every once in a while; all in moderation. Financial independence is certainly a very powerful thing, but I believe its much more of a tool then the well-being it might seem to be. I don’t own the fanciest power tools but they get the job done, I don’t need all the money in the world for my aspirations. If I aspired to have fun all the time I might, but aspiring to learn, help others, etc tends to be a pretty cheap business. Sure, I could charge people an arm and a leg for my services. I’m sure my girlfriend would greatly enjoy expensive gifts. But nope, for me the biggest payment is the learning and feeling of helping other people, but thats not the gift thats easy to show people. Its not tallied by any bank or kept in your wallet; it only lives inside yourself.

I have to use the restroom.

Brrrr

I can grab a lot from songs, certain lyrics stand out to me like poetry; poetry without the pain that was associated with dissecting in in English class for several years. I have an idea, students might be turned-off to their portable music collections if an English class or two was spent dissecting it like poetry. People sometimes ask me what kind of music I listen to, of who my favourite artists are. I tend to reply “whatever’s in iTunes” or “I’ll have to check my iPod.” I know most people have their discography memorized, a list of top 10 artists is always at the tip of their tongue. Me? I like the lyrics and the tune, not who’s singing it or what album its in.

For example I’m a fan of “The Great Escape” by Boys Like Girls. Katie happens to have their CD, I’ve given it a listen or 2 while in the car. The rest of their songs just don’t do it for me. I find “The Great Escape” to be a great escape from the other bad songs on their CD. I believe its track #1 on their CD which is good, I can play it quickly and it inspires this feeling that maybe we shouldn’t escape without knowing what do to after the escape. In my case I’d prefer to change CD’s or go to the radio. Maybe I’m being a bit harse… but I am mad at how they messed up a song titled “Five Minutes to Midnight”. Thats on my top 10 titles list, too bad the song associated with it is terrible. It lacks a good plot and rhythmic features. I would never associated 5 minutes to midnight with the final push at the end of the night to be with a girl. [I struggled hard there to write a logical sentence that didn’t say “seal”, “score” or other common phrases that don’t make sense but have negative connotations]. If you’re going to title a song about the world blowing up, the song better be explosively good. Unfortunately, unlike the male figure in the song, I’ve had enough of this nonsense.

I get mad at iTunes when I’m in random mode, I like to click the >> “Next” button to skip songs I don’t want to listen to, it never seems to go to the good songs. Apparently my meager library is filled with bad music I don’t want to listen to most of the time. Interesting parallels are coming to me. I gave up, I really wanted to hear Matt Nathanson’s “Car Crash” so I had to do it manually. Apple search works well.

Yes I’m avoiding discussion of my projects because I’ve made minimal progress since last night. I did, however, wake up in the middle of last night very cold. Last year I was rarely cold, and I’m usually not effected but this winter is wierd. When I walk to class my coat doesn’t seem to do as much as normal, and then last night I wake up freezing so I curl into a ball. I don’t sleep naked or anything like that, long PJ bottoms and a t-shirt. For sheets I had 1 normal sheet and 1 fleece blanket that is slightly smaller than me, which is ok.. my feet or shoulders can take turns freezing. Oh yea, I checked the thermometer on my luggage under my bed.. it read ~ 60 degrees. But yea, I was like brrr, maybe i should go get a coat. I know I could have spread that over my sheets to keep me warm but I figured that would have been a bit loud and everything. Maybe I’ll bring up my sleeping bag. Thats not actually too terrible of an idea. That bag does make things very warm. I guess I could just spread out the other blanket I have in my closet, but I piled it under everything. I will likely just freeze until I go home in 1 week.

Darn “Car Crash” ended 1 minute and 59 seconds ago, that means time to bed.

I know, I need to write a blog about real issues soon. I just need to come up with a strong approach to write from.

Night!