Brian's World

Needed: Self Confidence

Well, I managed to fail again. It was something that would have been very simple, the timing was right… the location was decent but of course I couldn’t pull it off. What really frustrates me is how much I think about things and think about how much could do wrong. The action itself is very easy, but of course I managed to come up with a couple ways I could screw it up and look like a moron/idiot. I feel that if I look like a moron/idiot people won’t like me anymore… Thats why I have difficultly doing these things.

And I know that if I messed up or made a fool of myself, no one but me would really notice; but me knowing I screwed up is just as bad as the whole world knowing I screwed up.

It’s not the first time I’ve had this trouble, but today the issue seemed more pushed in my mind… I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because I was thinking of other things, and how if I can’t bring myself to do something so simple, how am I going to bring myself to other stuff that’s more complicated.

Grrr, I frustrate myself a lot

But I’m also very glad that you understand I’m retarded in this way.