Brian's World

Ever Changing

I have been thinking about writing about the significant changes that I’ve observed in my life for the past week or so.  Tonight when I was using the restroom I realized that was a fairly stupid idea.  My life is always changing, your life is always changing, I postulate that life (at least in the human sense) may in fact be defined by some state of constant change.  It would be silly of me to claim notice to change at this point in my life without correctly quantifying it.

Things are always changing, always.  I change clothes every day, which I would classify as a low-profile change.  I change classes every few months,  probably a medium-profile change.  Over the past few weeks I think that I’ve probably encountered a large number of higher profile changes, the ones that come around every few years.  Perspective is something I need to keep focused on, I mustn’t forget that these high profile changes are likely to occur every so often and, regardless of their desirability or undesirability, I can’t always effect them.

It is far to easy to get caught up in all this change and find yourself “depressed,” I think I do sometimes. Things are not the way they were, the way I was usually comfortable with.  Initially different might seem bad but it, like everything, is what you make of it.  If I remind myself that the sun looks like it will come out tomorrow, definitely a good move for it to make.  I have frequently jumped back to the desert when things appear challenging.  At least I am not trekking though the middle of a desert with a limited water supply… that would be a very high profile change with potentially life-threatening consequences.  Everything else should just be a walk in the park, right?  No matter what change I face in my apartment, academic, professional, social, whatever environments I try and remind myself that someone out there statistically has it much worse than I do.

The least pleasant situation I’ve found myself so far occurs kind of like an eclipse, when two events line up at the same time.  One of the situations that occurs is being alone.  Maybe I’m spending the day in my apartment, hanging out in the Union, surfing the internet, etc.  Where ever I am, there is no one else, so I’m left to occupy myself with myself which I’m not very good at without this second factor.  The second factor is a lack of motivation.  Unfortunately, I lack motivation sometimes just like everyone else.  I hate telling that to the DS too.  When I don’t have the drive to do work and there are not others around to occupy myself with, I start to feel… well, very blah.  I don’t know how to describe it; if it was a colour it would be grey.

Solving the alone problem is much harder for me, so I concentrate my efforts on the motivational challenges.  My observation has been that with the correct motivation, nothing else really matters.  Just like Rihanna says: even though she is on fire, she likes the way it hurts.  Domestic violence discussion aside, I admire her motivational control there.  I will assume she cannot control weather she will be on fire or not, so she has decided to find something pleasant in the most unfortunate circumstances. I was about to say that maybe we all could learn something from Ms. Fenty, but Wikipedia just let me know she is 22.  Never mind that then.

Good Night Moon.