Brian's World

Turbulence

I originally opened up may laptop to write to tell the tale of another day in the life of me.  The thought did cross my mind, that these stories don’t tend to help me and I might be better off going to sleep. I guess I’ve convinced myself otherwise.  Even if this account goes unnoticed, it will at least contribute to the records… providing a bigger pool of data for whenever something comes along that needs it.

These past few days have been pretty rough for me, far from the smooth sailing days of say 3-4 weeks ago.  Sure, 3-4 weeks ago I was still trying to figure out that rest of my life bit, but at least 3-4 weeks ago I had just submitted some applications online.  Now that all the time has passed I’m started to float two ideas in my mind. 1) I’m doing something very wrong in the application process or 2) I have no future working at a company that I’ve identified/applied to thus far.  I’m hesitant to discredit #1 because then I’m left only with #2 which I really don’t want to accept at this moment in my life.  Maybe next week will be a better week to swallow that news.   I suspect that my GPA is probably to blame here, only because my resume doesn’t provide me an adequate platform to say “… all while I’ve driven the development of N web development projects and done a bunch of other useful things.”  If you are looking to hire me to design circuitry, my GPA is a pretty accurate reflection of my skill and knowledge, if your looking to hire me to develop cool pieces of software you really should look elsewhere.

Now that I’ve lost the readers who skim just the first paragraph with that pretty bland material, I’d dive into the more distressing topics.

I filmed three hockey games over the past three days.  If you know me well, you know that I am not a hockey fan at all.  Names like Malchuck and Pirri sound like Pokemon to me, not players on a team.  I filmed the games because RPI TV needed help and I was around, if the usually 40-person crew was available I would not have been there, but twas not the case since it’s spring break and all the freshmen head home.  I’m going to save my discussion of the filming of hockey for another blog…

But I’ll certainly elaborate on some of the non-hockey non-filming things that happened.

For example, during the last game we filmed I learned I’ve been painted over in someone’s memory… at least in once instance.  I guess I should have expected it considering the memory was 3 years old, but I still remember these sorts of things somewhat well.  Let me provide a little dash of hypothetical background: lets say you once had what you considered to be a friend;  as time has passed that individual has transitioned from being a friend to more like an associate or coworker like everyone else.  That person proceeds to tell a story about something you did together, but replaces you with someone a bit newer in their life.  Of course the person you have been replaced quickly affirms their role in the story because they are always willing to associate with non-negative social situation.  Hypothetically, you might be left to think if they just accidental forgot who was there or they’ve done a find and replace of any memory of you as a friend in their mind with someone else.  I guess I shouldn’t fault someone if they have chosen to globally find and replace me, its probably safer that way.  You wouldn’t want any potentially unauthorized (by association)  actions to come to light in a background query these days.

I shouldn’t lie, my memory is poor as well.  I try really hard to provide accurate accounts, but when I do have to make up the details I try my hardest to make sure that no one could possible call or notice my bluff or I let people know that I’m completely guessing here.

Sometimes I get disappointed when I overhear others planning to engage in things that I’m not authorized or able to engage in.  I’ve gotten pretty good at handling the not-authorized bits over the past few years, its mainly the not-able items that get to me the most.  That is probably because I dislike things I can’t do.  For example, freshman year I couldn’t do 10 push ups to save my life, I can now do a very acceptable amount.  The ability to do push-ups is unlikely to help me much,  but I opted to do it just because I wasn’t able to before.  I can probably break “non-able” situations (there has to be a better phrase than non-able) into two groups, self limited and externally limited.  Clearly self-limited non-able scenarios are preferable because I’m the only to blame (like the push up scenario).  The externally limited ones are much harder to navigate, like navigating the parents-treating-you-like-your-16 river.  That is one river I definitely stuck in a canoe in.  I don’t like canoes very much, they are highly inefficient modes of water transportation, but I guess you can fashion them out of a tree if you need to.  Rowboats and kayaks are far preferable for any serious water transportation efforts.

Good night moon.