Brian's World

Trust

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I’m rather harsh and somewhat blunt during this blog. I am very frustrated, so much so that I didn’t eat much dinner at all and was ready to storm out. I need to get out of here sometime soon. My car better be fixed Friday night so I can get out this weekend or I think I’ll die.

Well, another school committee meeting another blog. Tonight and today was a very frustrating day. The “Chemistry Olympics” was a wash as the demo’s were replaced with a PowerPoint… Very boring. But that didn’t get me down as much, there are only two days left in the school week and we get a whole Friday off to chill. Bingo… Here’s the hot button topic of tonight. Let me throw in some background. The meeting is a 6:30 meeting so I needed to be here at 6. Well, since we usually eat dinner at 6 I offer to go get myself a grinder from Subway. Well, Mom offered to start the chicken pot pie earlier but I told her that I would take care of my grinder and she could stay sleeping. I got back on the computer and come 5:30 my brother yells “DINNER!” Ugh… Mom started the chicken pot pie earlier and there goes my subway and I was really in the mood for a chicken breast grinder…. But ok, I can live with chicken pot pie, maybe mom made it right today. Next at bat is Friday. Kevin asked if mom had school Friday, she did so we’d be home alone for the day. As I mentioned in my previous blogs, my car is going in to the shop that day so we would be walking/biking anywhere. That was ok by me, I’m ok with exercise. But here’s the kicker… Mom throws in “Yeah, you guys can have a quiet day to yourselves.. But I’m not comfortable with you having friends over; specifically you alone with Katie.” At this point I’ve been verbally slapped in the face. I started the default argument of “do you not trust me?” and things along those lines. Of course she “trusts” me…. But that’s a lie. I have plenty of examples to corroborate this.

1. My parents have come downstairs when we’re watching a movie to “check on the ice cream.” Who does that? The ice cream is in the freezer… The freezer has been working fine for the past 10 years, what tells you it will fail today. Of course, my parents quickly left after seeing that everyone was appropriately seated on the couch (and they don’t like ‘Rent’).

2. My parents use my brother as a chaperone. This one just grrr… I don’t know how to describe it. I’ve seen them whispering to him “you keep an eye on the two of them” or “make sure to chaperone those two.” Mom and Dad: I really appreciate you using my younger brother to spy on me, it really makes me feel secure in my own house. If I ever have any problems, I’ll just leak them to Kevin so they go right to you. OK, I Need to calm down a tab; I’m almost crying and that is not looking good at a public meeting.

3. Closed Doors. This one doesn’t get me as much but it still frustrates me. My dad advised me that I better leave my door open if I didn’t want mom to get mad. I would leave my door open if that meant you would stop coming in. I we’re listening to music you insist on asking what we’re listening too. Maybe I’m singing along, that doesn’t give you the right to do the same. If we’re watching TV, don’t ask what show it is or sit down and start watching… its just so darn obnoxious that idk…

Well, I know my mom doesn’t trust me. She has no reason to not trust me either. I have never participated in anything that would give her reason to doubt my judgment or doubt her trust in me. I’ve managed upwards of 30 fifth thro twelfth grade students at summer camp without adult interaction for half a day, can I not manage myself an another very responsible individual for 3 or 4 hours until you come home? I don’t know too many high schoolers who have been in charge of an after school activity in a public high school that had run without an advisor or supervision for close to a year, show me one you cannot trust and I’ll start to take you seriously.

Where does she get these ideas that can create doubt in me? Unfortunately, I have a few ideas…. Opera. I remember a show a few years back when Opera nearly gave my mom a heart attack. Opera was dealing with teenage sex and my mom was completely dumbfounded that this happened. Of course my mom neglected Opera’s disclaimer that these behaviors are only demonstrated by certain teenagers.. my mom got some completely wrong and honestly insulting concept that in her absence I would participate in actions I might regret. Well mom, I’m not stupid. But apparently you don’t realize that. I just can’t figure out if I can make it any clearer to you. It frustrates me how you don’t trust me at all on just about any levels. It took my dad about 5 years to trust my computer skills, I spent 5 years sending emails to the tech guy at my dad’s company making sure the ideas would actually work. Also, Mom always says that once your 18, its up to you to control what time your out, who you hang out with, what you do, blah blah blah. But tonight I already saw her clauses coming out. Honestly mom, it makes me very sad to know that the amount you trust me can be equivocated to the chances that I’ll get into MIT without applying. You’ve always been there for me making sure I never really follow my dreams, telling me that aiming low is the best way to go. Time and time again you tell me, “Maybe you should try something a little easier, are you sure you’ll be able to get that done?” Well mom, wake up… The projects that get that A, the 100/100, the “wow”, have always been the ones you’ve told me to give up on, to scale down, or to stop all together. Thanks for always being there, to encourage my education, support me in scouting, and trust me with my friends.

Ok, I’m home from my meeting and a little less infuriated but I have a few last pleas. Any one have any advice how to fix this? Long term, short term, any term? Talking to my mom is useless because her reasoning is she “trusts me” so she really doesn’t have a reason. And what adds to what bothers me is that she doesn’t give me chances to prove that she can trust me at all.. maybe letting us be alone for a few hours would show you that we can act responsible or gain your trust… or no… just don’t let that situation ever present itself…. That’s clearly the correct thing to do because you can govern 24 hours a day and 7 days a week of my life for the rest of it.

HELP!?!