Brian's World

Another steep hill… threw me into the valley

Today was a day, not a great day.. but a day. Sure, we got 3 bookish things to “read” over vacation, and a stat test came back… but that really wasn’t what was bothering me a whole lot. Ok, I’ll stop dancing around the issue and jump right into it, because its a fire burning inside of me… and if I keep dancing any longer, well… this metaphor isn’t going to work… sorry.

There are two issues at hand, interconnect in the same sense that I’m loosing/lost and I hope I don’t loose you.

The first, and slightly simplier one is that tomorrow night, I’ve been recruited to work. Usually, this would not be a big deal; Tuesday night, I got nothing else going on… but tomorrow happens to be Valentines Day. One of those days you’re suppose to go overboard showing the person you love how much you actually do.. well, I can’t go overboard because I love her that much but yeah. I’ll be stuck in the High School filming the very romantic School Commitee Budget meetings, I can’t think of a better place to spend my night. Well, I know that I couldn’t take you out on a date or anything great like that because of JOL but I’ve got like 2 weeks left. I dunno, it would have been nice to at least be able to chat with you or something… maybe I’ll steal wifi.. yeah, I like that idea. But come one, how much of a pushover am I to be working on Valentines day; chances are my boss is going out to dinner with his wife or something and that’s why I’m filming. It’s definately not that I enjoy work, money, or anything like that more than you… I’m just too nice for my own good sometimes 🙁

Now the next issue is going to be one of those “beat around the bush” topics when I never really come straight out and say it but I’ll try and convey my thoughts as effectively as I can.

This weekend, I spent some time thinking about something and got rather confident I could do it; well, not do it… but at least try. So I went into today being slightly optimistic that I could pull it off. I musta been on drugs or something because I noticed the realistic chance of being able to pull it off is well, below a 5%. And that seems a little high. It’s just a few things. I know people view me differently because I’m “in charge” and stuff, but I don’t comment when they do stuff and I expect they won’t comment when I do things, significantly less disturbing then they do. Another issue, I know if something were to happen, people would make it some big deal and stuff; which probably wouldn’t help my already low confidence at all. I don’t want any special treatment, but I just want to be treated fair… is that too much to ask?

Well, since I’ve pretty much given up on that idea, it can only happen in a dream or miracle; and that makes me kinda sad… I’m back to the low similiar to “ugh, this summer is gonna repeat last”…

But on a lighter note…. wait, I don’t have any lighter notes..