Brian's World

5 Tips

I’d like to offer the inexperienced college student a few tips for an undergraduate experience at college.  While I’m by no means an expert, I’m working on my 7th semester here at RPI and can offer some advice.  This is both for your benefit and for mine.  These tips aren’t ranked, so don’t think that the one ranked #5 is therefore more important than #1 or visa-versa.

1. No one wants to steal your laundry.  I know you think you might need to stand guard over the machines because some jerk could come in and throw your clothes out or take them, but this does not happen. Maybe if your pants were made of gold this would happen but I suspect they are not.  Think about it; no one wants your dirty clothes so they’re not going to steal them from the washer and no one wants to carry a bunch of heavy wet clothes so they’re not going to steal them from the dryer.  If someone did want to take your clothes, which no one does by the way, they would wait until the dryer was done or almost done.  Therefore I encourage you to return to the laundry area within a few minutes of the completion of the dryers (that thing blinking 60 is a timer FYI), this will enable you to confront anyone waiting to steal your clothes and, more importantly, helps free up the machines so I don’t have to relocate your clothes to the floor/table.
2. Yes, I also noticed the mistake in the lecture slides.  Unlike you, I opted to remain silent on the issue because I didn’t want to here the professor spend 7 minutes explaining how he has been using those slides for 20 years and no one has noticed the error and how his error could actually be correct under some very special circumstances like getting struck by lighting during an eclipse.  Also, leaving that error gives a future generation of students something to think about for a second; you wouldn’t want them to have it any easier than you had it, right?
3. The food is never exciting.  I like to laugh when you’re excited about getting 3 cheeseburgers for lunch.  What you don’t realize is that the cheeseburger you chose will be the exact same cheeseburger they will be serving for the rest of your college life.  While you did get 3 of them for only one “swipe” remember that you are paying a lot of money for the ability to swipe, and you would probably have to consume 10 or more to actually break even.  Also, the servers and staff will greet you with strange names such as sweety, honey, dear, etc because they are a) Old and b) Bored.  Georgina has been saying the same thing for the past 4 years.  It has nothing to do with the fact that you are a new student r someone special.
4. Avoid sitting next to me at all costs.  Unless we are acquaintances, there is rarely a need for you to sit in the chair directly to my left or to my right.  Feel free to sit two chairs over, behind me, or in front of me, but directly next to me is reserved for people who I do not have to worry about stabbing me or drawing unneeded attention to my location in class. I will do my best to position myself equi-separated from all parties around me and I encourage you to do the same.  This also applies at dining establishments.  I would greatly appreciate it if you didn’t fill in the stools next to me at the bar unless they are extra separated.. and even that is pushing it.  I will do my best to consume my meal quickly and depart as soon as possible if you just have to sit where I am sitting, but I don’t think its that critical.  Those seats aren’t going anywhere over the next 4 years.
5. Yes, I understand you left 40 minutes before class so you would have plenty of time to get there.  I however left with 4 minutes to get to class, and I would appreciate it if you stayed out of my way.  You’ll know when I’m behind you because I may cough or drag my feet.  No, I’m not turning into some sort of zombie… thought I may bash you over the head if you don’t get out of my way soon enough.  (Just kidding, I’ll just start to get frustrated).  If you could please step off to the side (preferably your left) I can get on my merry way.  If you’d rather avoid these awkward encounters all together, I suggest you densely pack yourselves in the middle of the walkway and hope no bicycles are coming.  I’ll do my best to navigate around you on the wings quickly and quietly.