Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I had a name. How would life, this year, this week, today have been different if I had a name? I have trouble forming a complete picture as to how things would be, because I can only base my knowledge of others who have names. Your name is bound a lot to who you are, and to what extent you do things. The specifics of what you do are far less important, than the magnitude of which you do things. There is clearly this minimum threshold to which one must “do stuff” to earn a name, and it varies drastically for each person.
In my spare time while driving, I like to try and do useful things. [I find the driving implementation of piloting a vehicle very inefficient, and have plenty of spare brain power units to dedicate to alternative activities.] During some recent driving efforts, I spent time thinking about how things would be different for a person such as myself, given an alternate series of events. In order to justify as somethings besides wasting time, I followed the though experiments such that if I felt the outcome of the events were favorable in some sense, I would explore how I could adjust my current position to achive a similiar result… a process generally ending in the nhmo case.. aka no-hope-move-on.
Back to the topic, so I was driving and thinking about alternative realities that could have presented themselves to me, and found but a handful of summarizations to which I can attribute my lack of rememberance in the minds of men. Typically, I would have assumed that each lack of output would have been the direct result of a *unique* lack of input. Not true at all. The same input problem continues to effect seemingly unrelated output.
As I draw this hunting season to a close, I have trouble thinking of whats been done, and done well. I look at the core objectives and see minimal, or negative progress in some areas; a very discomforting feeling. And I’m not usually one to enjoy comfortable things, give me an itchy wool blanket any day (assuming it is smallpox free).
I would say “I’m not sure who to blame here” but logically the only thing that can be blamed is the common factor, aka moi.
Its not that I’m not interested. That is completely false. I don’t think the bar is low enough for me to bother jumping. I’ll try most things if there is the slightest glimmer of hope, which I just don’t always see where I should.