Its pretty easy to put out a fire, all it takes is some water and some way to get that water to the fire. If you have two or more people carrying buckets to a small fire it can be put out in no time at all. No matter how big the fire, if enough water is carried by enough people it can be put out… unless it is some weird chemical fire maybe… I’m not a firefighter, nor a fire expert, but this seems to be true.
I sometimes I have to step back and think, what is actually going on here. I tend to do this less and less when I’m begin to feel that what I’m going to see isn’t going to be something I like. I shouldn’t avoid doing this just because its unpleasant, I do a lot of things that I think are unpleasant I guess. Its challenging for me to accept the current state of things, not the little state of an individual item or something… the state of a collection of items. I do know that one of the first steps to solving a problem is to identify there is one, but I feel that identifying a problem that isn’t solvable for > a year isn’t a problem worth identifying right now.
The past few weeks have proven to be a challenge on many accounts, and the fact the semester is winding down hasn’t even come into play yet. I know that things are just going to get more challenging, and I’m just going to get more frustrated. There’s some humour to be found in it though, the more happy and excited everyone else seems to get the more frustrated and displeased I get.
There’s this feeling growing inside of me that we’re on the wrong road. I’ve been trying for quite some time to steer against it, but ever since someone else took the wheel its been very difficult for me to do much of anything. I guess I could start doing more of something, but even my recent efforts to do that have gone unnoticed. This doesn’t help that my typical line of work isn’t noticed by many people to start with, but loosing the remaining few has taken its toll.
I guess i could decrease my current load and resume some of the work I left off about 2 years ago.. I think it might actually be exactly two years ago this month now that I think of it. Sure, me the person is once again anonymous, but me the idea is well known. I shouldn’t kid myself, the hours for such work are pretty unpleasant, but I could probably make it fit. I just have to evaluate if its work my effort to make the transition, and what can be done to minimize risk on the shrinking end.
I do look forward to this weekend however, where I will try to put as many of these frustrations behind me as possible.. which will likely be a terrible failure but whatever. Its the thought that counts right? I can only hope that others will understand what happens on a daily, weekly, yearly basis around here. Take my blog for example, it was very easy to write back when nobody read it… now its slightly more challenging, but don’t fear faithful readers, I am still here. I am lucky my blog doesn’t write counter-posts to what I write, because those would be much more popular than these things I am sure. It would be sad to see what my efforts were going completely unnoticed, while something built on my efforts was experiencing lots of success.
I’m not sure if I’m on the right track, that’s why I’m hesitant to start moving again. I wouldn’t want to get further down the wrong line.