Where I don't care what others think


April 15th, 2008 Posted in Life

Sometimes I wonder why I choose to do some of the things that I do, or why I choose to think the way that I do. I think some people have it easier, for those in the medical field it is to heal and help people, for those in the education profession its to teach and inspire. People intersted in management or entrepreneurship may be interested in started a great cool new company. Those interested in journalism and communications are there to decimiate information and inform others. What am I here for?

I wouldn’t say field of study or training is the only thing it should be based on, but it certainly plays a large role as it occupies a signifincant amount of time in ones lifetime. I guess I think about it like this, I’m decent with computers, programming, etc… but sometimes I wonder what does that actually do. Take the internet for example or any website on it. I cannot produce a physical copy of that site. In no direct means, does the typing on a keyboard have any large effect, only moving small magnetic dots up or down, or sending electrical pulses down a wire to another computer.

An interesting way of approaching this would be to ask, in the end, does it really matter? I think some fields, especially medical, educational, construction, and even entertainment have a purpose. They can very clearly say at the end of the day I did that, I built X, deceminated Y, and helped Z forget their worries for a few minutes. Me? I dunno what I do when the day is done. Sure, I can help design channels for communication but its not the channel people care about, its the message that comes out of it.

I guess a lot of this came out of a few things that happened today. Let me try to fill you in…

1. I got an email from my dad. We email each other a few times a week, by that I mean he emails me 3 times, and I reply once. I spent some time in the last email explaing a little about Concerto, and how it was getting off to a decent start. I guess I should have predicted the response, “Sounds like the RPI tech stuff is going well. Unfortunately, I don’t understand the details.” Thats dad for you. He’s a civil engineer, so what he tends to do is very clearly recognize by people. The highways are there, sewers work, etc. The internet has been equated to highways, but only virtual highways… not something real.

2. I was asked what I have against doing or planning fun. Its a tricky question for me. I wouldn’t say I have “You must not have fun” written in the 10 commandments of brian, but idk. I guess I tend to see fun, enjoyable things, as not very productive things. I have trouble visualizing how these will fit into a larger picture, likely because I have trouble recognizing some of the more abstract colours that paint the pictures of our lives. Maybe I quickly outgrew the stage where having fun was a common desire of mine when I realized fun wasn’t something you could always have, but there are somethings you can. I also have problems with the fact that most fun activites tend to benefit me an individual, and not a larger group. A great example is the Xbox 360. I have a long and interesting relationship with Xbox that you probably don’t want to hear, but I don’t have an Xbox 360. Its always been something I’ve wanted, but something I’ll likely never get. Why? Because its sole purpose is to provide fun for myself. Now that I think of it, the only reason my family owns an Xbox is because I told my dad it was a DVD player. Yes, I would certainly enjoy a crack at Halo 3, the fancied up Xbox live, etc, but I don’t see what that does for me when I’m done with that session. I could spend that time just sitting sleeping, and achieve the same net result.

There is a lot I could be doing right now, I could be writing code, writing a letter to Katie, sleeping, etc but I’m just sitting here in my bed blogging. I sometimes do ask myself why do I bother blogging. It certainly is a large usage of my time, but I guess the ability to share my experiences with others is important. I hope that someday, someone will benefit from what I’ve written. If they have, than I guess my entire blogging mission is complete.

Goodnight moon.

  1. One Response to “Meanings”

  2. By katie on Apr 16, 2008

    I just wanted this summer to go well, and to be something great.
    We were supposed to go to London, but now we will be in soho, how can I not be sad?
    I just need this summer to go well before I leave, or things just won’t work out.

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