Where I don't care what others think


November 29th, 2007 Posted in Life

It is late; I woke up and just had to write a blog. Vista boot time gave me an ample period to find a comfortable blogging position in bed and plenty of time to scratch at my ear which is now bleeding. I cannot manage to get the tissue to adhere to my ear so I dab manually. Stupid lumps.

I am humbled to myself. Figure out what that means and you probably don’t have to read the rest of this. I found myself having such strong feelings in one directions that I’m not sure where I begin. I’ve tried to balance it out, finding logic opposite of what I’ve been thinking. I have trouble calling what I’m thinking logic to say the least. Have I failed to learn? Might I be entering some endless loop of unpleasantness?

I think back 3-2 years, attempting to gain insight into myself than and I am lost. I was not blogging here, I have no friends that I can say I’ve shared my deepest darkest thoughts with (Note I didn’t say secrets) and I have trouble finding any accurate statistical basis on the rumor mill. Maybe I’m going crazy, I wouldn’t doubt it to be the least. Ideally I think I would like to resolve my thoughts through a discussion with someone who can look effectively from the outside. Alas I can’t say I know too many people that would fit that spot; a clone might work.

Consultations present their own unique set of boundaries and limits, each perspective.. while very valuable, also has several blind spots and as a sum of most consultants I know, I can’t say there is any particular one who is has a line of sight where I’d really like to go. Thats probably why I talk to the internet here on my blog, but I’ve digressed. You know how they have that “WWJD” slogan [What Would Jesus Do] … (which means they have to have WWCND where CN is Chuck Norris)? I could really use a WWBD, What Would Brian Do. I mean I am him so what I choose to do will be the outcome, but its the thoughts that I’m interested in.

If I was the sole impacted I would have 0 problems making decisions, but when the impact involves others its like hrm, whats best for them.. because they are the ones I care most about. I am me, me is not important. I think I know the path I’m most interested in taking, but I can’t see how other parties will react. I’ve really never been able to predict how said parties have acted, and if my logic is correct it won’t matter what I do, failure is imminent, but its the path to failure we can effect, and how best to steer immediately before failure, aiming to control the outcome of the collision the instant we loose control.

Thats all, good morning folks!

  1. One Response to “Stairclimbing”

  2. By katie on Nov 29, 2007

    Don’t say u do wats best for the others, esp if u mean me. Because i do not see that as truth.

    What is the path ur most interested in taking?
    You don’t really communicate with me anymore. And when u do ‘talk’ to me, i cant get anything out of u or ur just too busy with everything else that its just plain worthless.

    U dont steer before failure…when have you?

    Failure always occurs, i dont know why, but i just feel like things are just falling apart to the end.

    i dont know wat there is to do or fix.

    maybe ill just pretend. and be someone u like better.

    i will start over to please you. since its u we must all work around.

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