Brian's World

Control

I dislike when I am responsible for something I have little to no control over. I understand that after certain commitments are made that it is my responsibility to fufill them, unfortunately when they are dependant on components I have no control over its difficult, especially when those components need to say get gas.

I accept responsibilty because that is something I do. Its probably not the right thing to do, but I feel its critical for my life mission, a zero-sum game. The tricky part comes in the conversion of a negative situation into a positive one, things must be done very methodical and precise or else you can push yourself further into the negative. Sometimes being in the negative has its positives, leaving room for sudden leaps forward, without overshooting the zero line.

See, in a zero-sum game, the goal is to break ever. In life thats my goal. For every mistake, I’d like to do something right.. because, for everything right I do, I know I make several mistakes in the process. Its very much like chasing your tail, except in the process of doing so you get closer to the tail, but its constantly adjusted so you can’t reach it.

A flaw might exist in my logic as to point of reaching zero, shouldn’t one be trying to reach a positive score? Yes, I want to make a positive impact on this world somehow, but its better done in accumulating decimal places. Decimals are likely to slowly achieve something greater, without facing as many negative equivalents as a large positive might.

Its reassuring to think that whenever things are going bad, they will cancel out to something good, so when things seem really bad I remain optomistic, that means something really good is going to happen someday. Time isn’t a factor though. Tomorrow is the same as 10 years from now.

Of course the converse isn’t so cheerful…

But neither is staying up late… night world