Where I don't care what others think

An offer of Defeat

December 3rd, 2006 Posted in College, Mistakes, Problems

I struggle to find a title for this blog, there are so many possibilities that I could name it but unfortunately I’m not sure which one fits best. I like my blog titles to be both obscure but to the point. In this case the problem is being obscure about the subject but also not generalizing too much. Ok, let me just start writing.

I’m involved in the TV club here at RPI and I’ve expressed past interested in some form of leadership in the club. At this point in the blog I don’t want to say what leadership, maybe you can find that referenced in another blog. But tonight it was rather clear to me that my role in the group was directly linked to my time here at RPI and in RPI TV.

Clearly when I was trying to figure this whole thing out I failed to account for a few individuals. Two of which I should have, and one who is somewhere far away. I also failed to account for the main factor, how I present myself and the experience I’ve had.

I’m now tired of dancing around the issue. I’m not a fan of the position it was suggested I run for, nor was I a fan of the lack of open discussion that went into things. I can clearly see the need for such a process, but I can’t see the effectiveness of it. While it may help clear up whats going on with a fairly large election, it doesn’t seem very friendly to newcomers.

Maybe this connects to the fact that elections are being held in the winter instead of the late spring. I’m still very much considered a freshmen here at RPI and my ‘experience’ is ‘lacking’. By experience I mean the percieved experience, and by lacking I mean no one knows. It frustrates me that , as I see it, some are being suggest for positions because they’ve been in the club longer, not because they are necessairily better qualified. I have trouble understanding how one can place someone in a position without first fully understanding their qualifications.

Sure, I should be thankful I was suggested for something. Yes, the original suggestion really didn’t have anything to do with my qualifications at all, but I guess I should be thankful I might have something. I ended up somewhere I’ll settle for, I’m not very content with it, but I guess it kinda fits me. I mean yes, I’ve done news before. (News Manager was the suggestion) I’ve done news for the past four years, give me news and I can have a show in under 24 hours. I’ve done special events before, I’ve filmed enough plays and musicals to sing along to. I guess I was looking for something better suited to be more “all-encompassing” of myself and my talents. I enjoy a challenge, and if elected I know I have one (where is the news exactly).. but I would have rathered a challenge thats a little less specific and.. well.. more challenging.

I also dislike the fact I have few expectations to live up to. I’d rather have huge shoes to fill then none at all, it helps to provide drive or something like that. Its just grr.. I looked forward to the opportunity to show what I can do, but nope.. I’m going be showing on a small facet of Brian.

I hope the rest of my life doesn’t continue like this. I dislike only using part of me. Like if your never used your left arm, it just sat there.. or in this case.. only used your right.. wouldn’t everything else start to go a little numb.

My only hope is that a) I actually get elected… and b) the person I serve under (if elected) is open to my ideas, no matter how unconventional they are. I’m also upset that I’m going to be in this position for a year. I hope someone dies.. not really.. I hope there is some way I can better my place, or make my position.. if elected.. more worthwhile.

Honestly, its tough. I had spent a good amount of my time and thinking power working on ways I could better RPI TV, and I find myself suggested with a position that is in no way to do any of that… right now anywhere is looking better than RPI. Preferably somewhere without an established TV program.

Who knows what will happen.


  1. 2 Responses to “An offer of Defeat”

  2. By Nickl on Dec 4, 2006

    Brian, I think ill regardless of what you do and how much you try, you still need to slog through shit. You also need to be able to understand that anything could happen, You might get elected or you might not. I think the end of the blog truly explains your personal down fall. You are trying to be someone else by filling the big shoes why don’t you try being you and making your own shoes to fill. Like you did back At SH along with Matt and I. I’m not saying make your own group, but why not try making a position for your self and show your self off?

  3. By jean on Dec 4, 2006

    OK.. Weird, but I agree with Kevin. You were a BIG fish in a SMALL pond, and now you’re a SMALL fish in a BIG pond or ocean, something like that. I think that you just need to work for what you want, right now you’re a freshman, but by senior year things will changes and you will be a BIG fish again. But seriously just be you.

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