Brian's World

Sad Drama

This blog might not be too long, I don’t know. I have a few random shoutouts before I get going. Based on some statistics, I’d like to say “Hi” to any friends who happen to read this at Olin College. I hope all is going well. Same to those UMass student. “Hello”, I hope everything is going well in the zoo as well. Its nice to know a few people actually visit this thing. Every now I then I get the estranged reader from Spain or China and I wonder how they find me. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t… link to me. Maybe someday I can get paid to blog about my problems. Then you be like wow, he has more problems them me.. i feel a little better. We’ll call it group therapy… and you’re all mute. 😛

Ok, down to business. This is my third blog of the day. Yea, a lot. I feel sad when I miss events of my girlfriends. The longer she has been preparing for an event the sadder I feel. There are two categories that really make me sad, Tiger Times, and Drama/Theater/Performing Arts. Tiger Times makes sense.. the other one probably has confused most of you.

Well, I was in chorus in 4th grade (it was more like a ruckus than a choir) and I enjoyed singing. Like everyone else, I pretended to have a good voice. I happed to be friends with Matt Caron and Adam Zukowski, both of which actually can sing. Well, 5th grade came and I was afraid of everything so I didn’t try out for the chorus. Same thing with bell choir. The problem is, its hard to join a group midway through your career at a school. Like bell choir, they always get new 5th graders.. who joins in 6th grade? Well, I didn’t. I enveyed them when they got to go to the Holiday Stroll to perform, an event I’ve never attended. I was always jealous when they got to put on shows for their parents and the community and skip class to practice.

When high school came the exact same thing happened again. This time it wasn’t with chorus… it was with Harlequins, the schools acting group. Like everyone else I think I can act. (Personally I think I can pull off a mean british accent too) Well, I wanted to be in Harlequins and get up on stage and entertain the masses. I’d never done it before, and when people were getting ready to tryout I went to check it out. I arrived to find everyone there with friends, going over lines. Most kids were in chorus, so they already knew everyone there.. after looking like a fool for about a minute, i walked to the nearby water fountain and left. There was no place for me.

I’ve always been taunted with joining the group. I would overhear friends talk about how desperate they are for males, or how tech crew could really use another pair of hands. At several times, people have jokingly asked me to join.. not understanding I was actually considering there offer.

Junior year I was invited into the tech crew very last minute, a week or so before the play. I was very excited, I enjoyed being part of a larger production, running a fairly large projection TV from behind a curtain. I can’t pinpoint why I enjoyed it but I did. Maybe its the stress and confusion behind the scenes that lead to a great show, or wondering if you’ll get your cue right.. I dunno… but it was fun.

I’ve always been hesitant to inclusion in the drama department, even as a guest. As a director, I strongly dislike when there are bodies around that aren’t doing something, and dislike it even more if they’re not doing something for the show. Therefore, I never really went back stage before to see what is going on. I know I could have, I was known enough in the school to have said “Tiger Times” and people wouldn’t argue.. but no.. I was afraid someone would be like hey you, you’re not in here get out. So i stayed away.

I’ve had a few small opportunities to see how much fun people can have putting on a production, and tonight I knew Katie was having fun.. I’m saddened by the fact I can’t be there to share in the fun.

The saddness grows when I see pictures, because I now understand whats going on. I can imagine the tension and nerves in a huddle or the tense laughter or preparation… all of which makes me think to myself why aren’t I there.. or the deeper question, why didn’t I join.

Goodnight moon