Brian's World

Prison

I can create several links between college and a prison, and on some planes establish college as being worse then prison.

• Removal – Both college and prison rely on a removal from ones regular habitat and home to function. College uses it to “centralize” the learning and put you, the student, in a location “better suited to learned”. Prison uses the principle for punishment, removing you to a less pleasent location and giving you time to think. Don’t thinking and learning go hand and hand? And dorms aren’t exactly a step up for most people….
• Restriction – Prison relies heavily on restriction to punish people for their deeds, earning privledges and rights. College relies on restrictions to help complete their mission of molding you into a young mature money making adult. To force you into this mold, they don’t allow you to have a car as a freshmen. Being able to escape when you want can never be a good thing.
• Work/Labour – In college one is suppose to spend their time studying for exams and such. Do they really matter? No. No employeer is going to say “I see you got a 2/3 on that first Calc 2 Basic Skills Quiz. Prisoners do boring repeative stuff like make liscense plates.
• Trickery – Each system employs its own sense of trickery to convince you that you are incharge or that you are an individual when your nothing more than a number in the system. In prison its the people you meet and gangs… are they real friends? Or do you all just happen to be locked in the same building together? In college there are fraternities and sororities. How can one become true friends with someone because they got drunk together or played volleyball?

• In college your life is also heavily governed by the clock. You are suppose to be at class and attend meetings. Even if those items are scheduled in the middle of something important for you.. they just don’t care!

At this point you can add some of your own reasons to the list. I’m just frustrated how I’m being forced to normalize, forced to assimiliate into a situation I dont want to. I don’t want to drink, I don’t want to be here any longer than my classes permit. I’d honestly rather be at home then in my dorm. At least I get yelled at at home, its a sign they acknowledge your existance.

Then I wonder what I’m doing wrong here? Why don’t I have friends? I know I dress wierd, but I even found some friends in high school… if you look at the population distribution and scale it, I should have more friends here… nope… I dunno what I’m doing wrong. I’m cleanly shaven and showered and don’t smell. I walk with my head up, hands out of pockets. I eat normal food, do homework like everyone else… maybe its what I’m not doing that effects it. I’m not getting remotely involved in anything extra. RPI TV is.. well… a very interesting group of people that really dont fit my liking. If I was incharge I would do things much much differently.

And then to top this all off I’m neglecting, or being forced to neglect some of the things I hold most dear.

I can’t figure it out… something is chewing away at me.. and I don’t know who to fight… ok, I stopped writing and started sulking in my bed